.once depressed, addicted, suicidal, hopeless, and obsessed in self-harm
I love your project. :’) I’m Sunshine, you are? ♥
I was suicidal.
I didn’t want to live anymore. I hated my life. I was ready to die anytime. I didn’t think I deserved to live. I was a mess. I was breathing, I was physically present, but inside, I was already dead.
Eventually, I did die. I died because Christ lives in me; I no longer live. My old self was crucified with Christ and buried in the grave. It is gone, for I am born-again. Born in Christ ♥
God saved me, although I had nothing to do with life anymore and just wanted to die anytime. He didn’t allow me to die that way; He defeated the enemy from trying to lure me into the death trap, from trying to win. I thought I was a goner. I survived from all the suicidal attempts. Obviously, they all failed because God is greater!
He not only saved me from suicide, He saved me from death itself, for He gave me eternal life, the life Jesus died for us all to experience!
But, it’s not about me. It’s never about me!
I was saved not to enjoy this life for my own leisure, for my own goals and dreams, but to enjoy the plans of God for this life. These plans are not for me, but for others, for Him. I know He will use me as an instrument for greater glory, for more people to be reached out, to know that they are loved!
I am willing to share my whole testimony for people to see how great God is! If I’m going to lose my dignity, it’s okay. As long as Jesus’ name and what He has done for us will be known, that’s all that matters.
I surrender this life to Him.
It may sound cliché, but I am pretty serious with this.
I am ready to let go everything to live the life in His way.
“God, discipline me, rebuke me, mold me to be the person You want me to be!”
Dangerous prayer, they say, but I am willing to take the risk. It’s not about me! It’s all about Him!
God is shaping me; this change is a continuing process. I still make mistakes, but I accept corrections.
The good news, I am valuable in the eyes of God! He made me valuable by suffering and dying on the cross to take my place, our place. We are all sinners, we all deserve to perish, but because He loves us so much, He came here on earth, leaving His kingdom, His throne, to be in the lower class, to be one of us, to help and guide us… and to die naked on the cross!
John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 6:23, “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
This life, I live for Him. Everyday I wake up knowing that someone could be saved through my testimony.
Acts 20:24, “I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.”
It is never about me, it’s ALL ABOUT HIM! ♥
I think I’m not the only one. Or am I? Nah, don’t think so.
Note: This should be read with feelings. If not, sorry dear, it just won’t work.
it’s just another
to log in and open
my facebook page…
caught by my eye
is the question,
"what’s on your mind?"
tricking me to answer
and post anything
i want to blabber
but no, i refuse, i say
reveal my thoughts?
ha! no way!
i’d rather keep everything
until I forget
than end up saying things
i know i will regret
oh aren’t you so smart?
how could you know
something about my heart?
i’ve been careful
i know, it’s true
never stalked someone
i know you know who
but why am I so guilty
whenever I see my news feed?
'cause at the top of the list
is the person I always miss
why are you so mean?
why do you force us
to say how we feel?
you always ask
"what’s on your mind?"
but then you meant,
"what’s in your heart?"
I’ve been lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling for hours.
Thoughts, they always come and go…
It’s almost been a year since I was an active depressed/suicidal blogger in tumblr.
Now, I’m living this new life. A life with Jesus in it. ♥
Who was I before that? I’m not sure because I had different personalities.
But no one really knew how depressed, suicidal, a reckless mess I was.
Cut the story short, I was full of hate. But I didn’t show that, I appeared happy and hyper.
I had no purpose in my life. Self-harm was my comfort and death was my destination. I wasted myself on regretful sins and didn’t care.
It was only when I got to know who Jesus was that I realized that my life was too precious and how valuable I am.
I kept looking for love in the wrong places and did everything I could just to be accepted by my family and friends, not knowing that someone loved me first for who I am, no matter what I’ve done. Realizing how much it cost Jesus to die on that cross for me to live, I started fighting back from all the suicidal thoughts and lies of the demons in me, after a long time, I finally reached for God’s hand and asked Him to save me. I didn’t do it alone. God brought people in my life who discipled me and witnessed with me God moving in my life ever since that encounter.
These people continued praying for me, standing up with me, and guiding me with my new walk. Then the miracles of healing, deliverance and victory just came showering in my life. God was changing me and He’s still working in me. The change continues, but one thing I’m sure of is that I’m a new creation, the old is gone. Because of Jesus, I’ll never be the same again. Looking back, every encounter with the people who helped me was no accident; it was perfectly orchestrated by God in His perfect timing. I’m forever thankful for these people whom God used in my life. Before, I had no reason to live, but now I wake up every day knowing that God would use me in reaching out to more people.